How You Improve Your Confidence In Yourself And In Life

Confidence can help us in everyday life more than other more socially valued resources, such as intelligence, knowledge or security. Those who yearn to feel safe can work their misfortune in that impossible mission of having everything under control. His goal contains a paradox, since his multiple efforts and renunciations ultimately translate into more anxiety and more fear.

Safety is a primary objective in the construction of airplanes or bridges, but the experience of human life is much more complex and reminds us that we are all exposed to adverse and uncontrollable circumstances. Only trust allows us to cope with them with relative serenity, moving forward without the need for guarantees.

“Trust, like art, never comes from having all the answers, but from being open to all questions,” wrote the poet Wallace Stevens.

Do you find it difficult to trust others?

Confidence in others is a natural extension of self-confidence. In our relationship as a couple, a group of friends or colleagues, we expect the other to have positive behaviors and we accept being in situations of relative vulnerability with respect to it.

The quality of these links depends to a large extent on the trust that exists between its members, which acts as a link that allows mutual support to be sustained. If we absolutely lacked trust in others, we would not eat for fear of being poisoned, we would not go out for fear of being attacked and the fear of sinking would prevent us from embarking on any company.

Without going to such extremes, we find frequent testimonies of deficiencies in this sense. For example, the person who does not socialize for fear of being hurt or cheated on.

When a person does not socialize out of fear, they see their life limited in fundamental areas, such as having satisfactory relationships or unlocking the true potential of teamwork.

We operate with reciprocity laws: in general, if we take care of others in an appropriate way, they take us into account. This favors the bonds, as well as the challenges that arise from the union between people.

The more trustworthy, the richer what flourishes may be, since giving and receiving grow in line with our potential to collaborate, especially if we are able to adapt what we offer to the other according to the circumstances of the relationship and the context..

When someone disappoints your trust

When agreements break down, trust is quickly lost; This leads to estrangements in which it is difficult to reestablish generous relationships. For example, in the couple, where there is usually a more or less explicit pact of exclusivity and intimacy.

If there is an infidelity of the partner, the other feels that he has been disappointed or replaced deep down, as if the bond is being torn; therefore it is difficult to rebuild a hopeful expectation.

Before that, some take the precaution of moving away in different ways or of approaching cautiously in the later attempts of a relationship. The saying dog bitten by a snake flees even from a sausage portrays the paradox of someone who has seen their trust disappointed.

Trust in the human being and in life

Positive thoughts also act on the body. Confidence in one’s own life would be at the highest level of human trustworthiness, in an almost spiritual realm: if we wait for life to flow and nature to follow its course, we allow growth responses.

Bruce H. Lipton, cellular researcher representative of the “new biology”, has studied how the chemistry of joy or love encourages cells to grow and the immune system to act, thereby shaping our health and becoming. When someone chooses to shut down, their beliefs generate responses of protection and inhibition that do not allow growth or the release of energy, proof that the true obstacles are almost always within us.

The Panchatantra or Book of Five Principles , compiled in Sanskrit in the third century BC, affirms that trust is the root of order. One who is determined to trust enjoys it, feels in harmony with life, and can find pleasure in countless things. He also feels that trust helps him transcend the problems that may arise in that becoming. Somehow I believe that even in bad times the sun shines after the storm. That way of facing life with hope, even in the most unpredictable, multiplies your options.

Nurture confidence from childhood

Trust is born from early childhood, when we need to be cared for and protected in our vulnerability. If a young child is not cared for, their basic and emotional needs are not met, or if they are arbitrarily repressed, they will lack that basic hope.

It is important, therefore, to provide him with experiences where he is accepted for who he is and is helped to deal with and deal with complexity. First, with the support of yours. And gradually, as their abilities and evolutionary cycle require it, with greater autonomy.

In this way we are instructing ourselves in the art of trust.

To become an adult requires the physical and emotional availability of the elderly. These should offer the child coherent models of functioning and that encourage him to believe in himself.

Throughout life and through many other experiences and significant people for us, we have the opportunity to learn to adopt positive positions from which to take risks. Without them there is no evolution nor is it feasible to take advantage of the possibilities that are offered to us

The pygmalion effect: how the expectations they place on you affect you

Through these vital learnings we shape thoughts and beliefs about what we are capable of facing. The mind is decisive here: we think that we can get ahead or, on the contrary, we tend to believe that we deserve nothing good and that everything costs too much …

Our confidence is on the lookout for those kinds of thoughts that open doors or block us. Too many times we make our own expectations about something or someone come true. This is what psychologist Robert Rosenthal and professor Lenore Jacobson called the pygmalion effect.

In a famous experiment, a teacher was assigned a group of students with normal grades, telling him that they were excellent students. On the other hand, they presented to another teacher a group that had obtained a superior performance indicating that they were ordinary students. What happened? The students in the first group obtained marks above the average and those in the second group showed a marked decrease in performance.

Another example of the power of belief would be the well-known placebo effect : often the expectation that some remedy will improve our health effectively helps us heal. This is how our beliefs tend to create a reality that legitimizes them.

How to gain confidence

Various therapeutic approaches focus on reprogramming the beliefs that limit us. To do this, they directly affect the subconscious mind or use the creativity of the conscious mind to repeat corrective experiences until creating a habit different from the one that prevailed.

The Ericksonian psychotherapy often uses the principle of con fi ar in the resources themselves or strengths based on recognizing and score from them, which favors constructive experiences.

When we do or recreate activities that we like and that help us to be in contact with ourselves in an attitude of trust, we also have more resources.

Surrounded by people with whom we feel good, it is more feasible to foster positive attitudes and states, especially if we have the courage to declare our difficulty or fragility to them in difficult moments; in short: to trust them and ourselves. Acting as if can be a powerful way to reprogram the mind.

Pascal used to say: “If someone does not have faith, let him act as if he did; sooner or later faith will come.” He calls it Solution Oriented Therapy works with that premise. For example, the mere act of acting one hour a day “as if” we have confidence can help us to generate experiences that have a positive impact on everyday life.

The American psychologist George Kelly created the so-called Fixed Role Therapy in order to generate positive changes from there. Kelly asked the patient to think about how they would like to be and how the improvements would materialize. After taking an inventory, I suggested that he do this, experimentally, for fifteen days. Patients reported dramatic changes that prevented them from seeing their previous limitations.

Two basic approaches on a personal level

We can use different ways to increase the level of trust, acting from the level of beliefs, behaviors or feelings, among other possibilities. One of them is learning to modify our states so that things go better.

Another, for acting differently to obtain different results, which will affect our way of being and, with it, our beliefs.

Building trust is a resource for believing that there will be opportunities and possibilities, that we will be able to act appropriately, and that “even if life gave us a kick” we would try to transform it into forward momentum.

Believing is the first step to creating

Thoughts are a powerful tool when it comes to building reality. If we think that something will affect us negatively, it is likely that it will ; just like when we take a remedy convinced that it will help us.

Numerous studies have shown that the placebo effect is sometimes as effective as certain drugs. That would be a tangible example of the power of belief.

In addition, since con fi dence acts directly on the body, influencing brain chemistry and the immune and musculoskeletal systems, it makes us stay healthier and more flexible. A person who shows trust is perceived as trustworthy, so people return more of the same.

NLP exercise to increase your confidence

The mere act of peeling off the daisy of “I can” or “I can not” suggests that we have the capacity for both.

NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) provides some tools to create new ways of perceiving what happens to us. One of them is the following exercise, which can be done alone or with the help of someone and which consists of following a few simple steps.

The goal is to be able to face a specific challenge with greater con fi dence. Before starting, it is advisable to find a quiet environment, with several chairs, and accompanied by relaxing music.

1. Sit in a comfortable position and breathe deeply. While listening to the music you can close your eyes in order to visualize better. When you have closed them, imagine yourself sitting comfortably in front of you, more confidently, breathing calmly.
2. Imagine now that you fl oat into that self that has more confidence. When you’ve done that, look at the world with their eyes, listen to how you speak, and feel that trust.
3. See in front of you an even more self-confident you, emanating the tranquility and con fi dence necessary to face your challenge comfortably.
4. Float now and enter that individual who has even greater confidence; feel the pleasant sensation that this state provides. Observe the world with those eyes, perceive what your voice is like, also notice how your movements and behaviors are, knowing that all of this is good for you.
5. Repeat the experiment as many times as necessary to achieve optimal self-confidence. From there, imagine yourself facing that challenge that you are going to face. Learn from this experience. If it’s okay now, enjoy it for a few moments.